Article: Be Kind to Yourself

IMAGE SOURCE~©MELANIE NEER~GRAPHICS DONE VIA PHOTOSHOP

So often we think about doing some act of kindness or to show some form of affection for others, yet neglect being kind to oneself and express some form of "affection" for ourselves. Why? Don't we deserve it too.

Many many years ago I came across a book entitled "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. I suppose I was drawn to the book since yes, nearly all my life I've been involved with creative endeavors: from oil, acrylic and watercolor painting, playing music (had studied violin and played recorder and guitar-both classical and electric), been involved with dance (studied ballet), studied drama and actually did perform on stage and was involved with scenic design, and I also expressed myself as a photographer and of course as a writer. When I think of it, I think I ran the gamut of expressing myself in all areas of creativity. However, I need to point out that one really doesn't have to be a quote-unquote ARTIST to love and appreciate this book. It has timely messages that can apply to anyone from all stages and walks of life.

One of the things that came across loud and clear to me in Cameron's book,is how there are various factors that in effect sabotage our lives and how we view our worth: from how our own parents may have discouraged us and in effect sabotaging us and our efforts which then leads to low self-esteem. This really hit home for me, since it opened my eyes really WIDE. As I began doing a soul-searching type thing and was reflecting back on my life, I realized my own mother did indeed sabotage my efforts in so many ways. My mother never exactly discouraged any of my creative endeavors, but neither did she leap for joy over them. Every time I would proudly show another painting I did, or play a new song on my guitar, etc., I would sort of get a pat on the head with a oh that's nice, but be practical, you don't think you can make a living doing that can you type attitude from her. The book also made me realize what a manipulating, controlling person my mother was in my life. Also, I began psycho-analyzing my mother's attitude about my creativity and believe there was downright jealousy on her part.

My mother had been a very creative person in her own right. She did breathtaking oil paintings and even had had her own work exhibited in a small gallery. She had gone to Fashion Institute of Technology with dreams of becoming a fashion designer. Why she never pursued her dream I have no idea. Was it due to maybe her family telling her such a dream was impractical? Who knows, but could explain why she in effect poo-pooed my artist efforts as well.

Anyway, as a young child I would watch fascinated as she embarked on yet another oil painting. One day I asked if I could do an oil painting. So she set up a still life type setting for me to try and paint, handed me some extra oil paints she wasn't using at the time and a canvas board. Viola…I did my very first oil painting, and have to admit it wasn't bad considering I was only six years old…yes folks I was six. It wouldn't be until many years passed when I talked about this that someone told me that I must have been one of those "gifted" children.

IMAGE SOURCE~©MELANIE NEER~PERSONAL PHOTO~Me in 1962

Well, here is where the jealously part probably came into play with my mother, since for years she had been in the limelight with people oohing and ahhing her oil paintings…now here I come along and kind of snatched that spotlight off of her. Shame when you think of it that she took that kind of attitude. But yes, she kept down playing any and all of my creative pursuits which lead to very low self-esteem. I often felt worthless, yet ironically I never gave up…must have had a stubborn streak in me!

But whether one is an artist or not, we can all have low opinions of ourselves and often thanks and due how our parents may treat our dreams, goals and aspirations in life and this is what the book brings out.

But here is the other important aspect that is brought forth in Ms. Cameron's book…to nurture the inner child within. Many of us may have fragile egos, low self esteem, feel worthless, and we all need a boost of some kind. How does one do that? Ms. Cameron suggests to nurture the child within to be kind to oneself and buy some little thing at least once a week that may have a special meaning to you. It doesn't have to be expensive either, one can probably find something even in one of those dollar stores. It could be a cute figurine, a package of incense of a favorite scent, a scented candle, a favorite scented type soap, a bunch of flowers or a plant; if your birthday is coming up, why not get yourself a Happy Birthday balloon and a card? The point is, be a little selfish for a change and treat yourself, nurture yourself on a regular basis. It will do wonders to life you up and make you feel good inside.

One of my favorite "treats" I got for myself not long ago, and yes, it was in a dollar store was a coffee mug that had this saying on it:

Follow your dream wherever it leads,

Don't be distracted by less worthy needs

Shelter it, nourish it, help it to grow -

Let your heart hold it down deep where dreams go.

Follow your dream pursue it with haste;

Life is too precious, too fleeting to waste ...

Be faithful, be loyal, then all your life through

the dream that you follow will keep coming true.

Like wow talk about being spot and and perfect! As I sip my morning coffee everyday I reread that poem and you might say it's my positive affirmation everyday.

If you haven't read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, PLEASE do, and remember you don't have to be an artist to appreciate it and it's meanings presented in the book.

Image source: ©Melanie Neer via good ole photoshop graphics