ARTICLE: Who Takes Care of the Caregiver? The Stressful Role of the Caregiver

Original design ©Melanie Neer

I thought the above illustration as appropriate as we caregivers DO need to be kind to ourselves

Originally Published on Yahoo.voices on October 5, 2007

As more and more of us in the baby-boomer age have discovered we are now facing the new role that we must confront, and that is to become the caregiver of our aging parents, a role that is far from easy. Naturally many of us hope, that as our parents grow older, and are reaching their seventies, eighties or beyond, they will age gracefully, without any complications, whether medically or emotionally, to contend with. That is the ideal scenario. But for far too many of us, this isn't the case, as was with my own mother.


Life with my mother, as I still lived with her, was far from easy in the last ten years or so of her life. First were the obvious emotional problems that seemed to have surfaced. Looking back, I believe she may have had emotional issues all along but they didn't become apparent until about ten years ago, when I began suspecting that she may have been suffering from depression, that got progressively worse as time went by. She had many of the classic symptoms of depression, mainly non-motivation or taking an interest in anything anymore. As her symptoms worsened, and I suggested that she get some psychological help. She did, but unfortunately she didn't benefit from this help. Why?

One is that my mother wasn't the type to openly discuss how she felt, whether medically or emotionally, not even to me, and I seriously doubt, she was capable of expressing herself to a virtual stranger, such as one in the psychiatric community. Also, since she didn't sign a proxy, at least not until the last few months of her life, and by then it was too little too late, I wasn't able to get involved with her clinical care, so in other words, I had no say in the matter due to those strict and stringent Hipaa Privacy Laws. It was unfortunate too, that her psychiatrist didn't catch on to her emotional problems, first of all, because he didn't see her on a weekly basis, as is customary in psychiatric field, but only every few months; also, truth be told, she was a great actress and could come across very differently to the outside world; only I saw her true personality.


It wasn't until March of 2006, a few months before her passing, that my finally signed a proxy. l then made sure I went with her, to what was to be her final visit to her therapist. I conveyed to her therapist about the severity of her emotional disorders and depression. It didn't impress him one bit, and even said to me, that my mother didn't look very depressed. My mother sitting next to me, had a radiant smile on her face, and all I could think of, this psychiatrist, was basing his pyscho-analytical diagnosis that my mother wasn't depressed due to the fact she was smiling?


You can imagine my frustration about this. However, I also did have private talks with her social worker, and she did indeed suspect what I had thought all along, that my mother did indeed have severe depression issues, plus as she put it, also had a variety of other personality disorders, ranging to possible bi-polar, to dementia. When I would go with my mother to visit her social worker, the two of us tried to get my mother interested in doing things again, to take an interest in something, like perhaps take up oil painting again, a hobby she had formerly once done with a passion in her younger years, or to join in any one of the activities that was sponsored by the hospital clinic geared for the elderly. Our suggestions went to deaf ears, as my mother continued to be unmotivated by any possible activity to get her going again.


Besides her emotional problems that I was witnessed to and had to care for, it was in the year 2005 that my mother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. The discovery was quite by accident. For about two years prior to her being diagnosed with the cancer, my mother was doing a bulimic thing...yes, as soon as she'd eat, I would see her race into the kitchen, stick her finger down her throat to purge. Now at the time, I didn't know she had the cancer. She no doubt did her bulimia bout as it must have felt uncomfortable for her to eat, but at the time I thought, oh, great, another psychological problem.


And, you better believe I was trying to notify someone, anyone about what she was doing, but again, because of her failure to sign a proxy at that time, no one, not her doctors, psychiatrist, or her then social worker (a different one, from the one I got to know), would listen to me. It didn't help the fact that my mother was tight-lipped and not exactly telling anyone of her discomfort, except to say that she had a lot of congestion, so no one suspected her true medical condition. Each and every time I did try to alert professionals of what she was doing, all I would get from these people was that because of the Privacy Laws, my mother's clinical care could not be discussed with me.


It wasn't until June 8, 2005 that it was finally discovered as to the why of her bulimic episodes. I had to call 911 as my mother had passed out while taking a bath. She was out cold. I yelled at her, slapped at her face to bring her to consciousness, but nothing, thus my call to 911. After a week or so in the hospital and a battery of tests, including a mini-camera that went down to explore her esophagus, it was discovered she had a cancerous tumor. Now the real care of her came into view for me. My mother was an extremely stubborn person. When it had been suggested to her, after her being diagnosed with the cancer that she should go to a rehab/nursing home environment, to get her nutrition built up, and to undergo the chemo/radiation therapy, she wouldn't hear of it . She wanted to stay home and have me look after her. It was fortunate that the hospital in question, where she had been diagnosed was quite literally down the block and she was able to get her chemo/radiation therapy there, but as for her other care it was up to me. She had a G-tube inserted into her stomach, in which I would have to give her regular "feedings" of Ensure through it to make sure she was getting her nutrition as she couldn't eat anything by mouth.

She also was quite vocal, however, in not wanting any outside help, that is some kind of visiting nurse service that could have not only helped her out, but given me some kind of time off to myself to attend to my own needs. As I said, it was all extremely frustrating and stress producing to me, but I gave in, if anything to avoid the arguments that would have ensued every time I brought the subject up of outside help.


I suppose the main reason for this article and to point out and share all the difficulties I had in my own experience as a caregiver, is to perhaps give some kind of guidance to someone who is may also be facing the possibility of becoming a caregiver to an aging parent, and I'm hoping that you won't face the same problems as I had. First, of all, I was at least lucky in this regard, that since I didn't have my own family to raise I wasn't torn between my obligations of taking care of a spouse and/or children and of taking care of an aging parent. But I'm the exception, as this will not be the case with most people.


Despite all the hardships and demands on my time in taking care of my mother, I did manage to have some quality time out for myself on a daily basis. This is most important for any caregiver to prevent complete burnout and stress. Since my mother wasn't a complete invalid and was mobile, I took time off, usually by going out for a few hours, whether to do my own errands, or just simply take a refreshing walk, just to have that time to myself. I made sure I didn't neglect my own needs entirely and I also made sure that I had proper rest, sleep, and fulfilled my ow nutrition needs. Once my mother was able to eat solid foods again, I also had the benefit of the Meals On Wheels program which made daily home visits with a healthy, nutritious, balanced meal for the day. This gave me a little time off from constantly having to cook all the meals for my mother.


 It's almost ironic, that now that my mother has passed away, that it is only now that I'm finding out about programs geared for the caregiver, such as outreach programs and support groups that will help the caregiver be in contact with other caregivers so its members can vocalize the problems facing one who is a caregiver; this in itself can be therapeutic as knowing that others are going through the same concerns and stresses will make a person not feel so alone in this time-consuming and stressful new role that has been placed upon them. One can find support groups usually either in one's community, or one can even do a search on the internet. One really great website is Caregiver.com, which even has a discussion forum where people can discuss their challenges as a caregiver, and one can subscribe to their bi-monthly magazine, appropriately called "Today's Caregiver". 


Of course, there may come a time where it may become just too much for the caregiver to continue helping and providing entirely on their own their care of their aging parent, especially if their medical needs worsen, and this is when outside resources are a must. This may be anything from seeking the benefits of having a visiting nurse come to the home, to maybe having their parent go to some kind of adult day-care center, or perhaps short-term nursing home stays. This will give the caregiver some genuine time out for themselves so they don't have to take on all the responsibilities on their own. Finally, of course, may come the time, that one may have to think in terms of placing their parent in either a hospice, a qualified permanent nursing home or assisted living homes.


I hope this article will benefit anyone who in now facing the problems of becoming a caregiver to their aging parent. I invite the reader to visit any internet resources about caregivers, I have only listed two, but there are so many other websites that will be beneficial to the caregiver. All I know it that I sure wish I had known a lot of this material when I had taken on the role as caregiver to my mother.


Sources and information about caregivers:


1).Caregiver.com 



An excellent resource and includes a discussion forum and a bi-monthly magazine one can subscribe to, plus and e-mail newsletter:


http://www.caregiver.com/


2). womenshealth.gov 



 This website defines exactly what a caregiver is, and also defines caregiver stress and how to get help for it. 


http://www.4women.gov/faq/caregiver.htm#e



If one does a general Google search one will find a lot more resources to either help the “caregiver” or to even find caregivers that can help out.

ARTICLE: A VERY SPECIAL VALENTINE'S TO SOMEONE I LOVE SO DEAR

Image~©MELANIE NEER~Personal Photo of My Pyewacket (June 17, 2001-April 19, 2010)

Originally Written February 16, 2012)

A Valentine's Day dedication of love from a very different perspective, and dedicated to those who have loved their pets who have passed on and still miss them in their lives and who understand that it's "not just a cat or dog"

I just needed and wanted to let you know, that here it is Valentine's Day,
I wanted you to know just how much I have loved you
and have always loved you from the moment I met you.

I wanted you to know how special you were in my life.
I loved all the times I cuddled up next to you, while you were lying in bed
and trying to read, yet being selfish and I didn't want you to read, since I wanted your love and attention solely on me...yes I was selfish, but that's how much I loved you.

I wanted you to know how special you were in my life.
All those times I would cuddle up next to you on the sofa, while watching TV,
feeling safe and secure with you since I knew you loved me,
and I loved you...oh how I loved you and still do.

I wanted you to know how special you were in my life.
And especially now I want you to know how special you were in my life
And yes, oh yes, I DO know how much you loved me, since I know you still grieve for me.

I wanted you to know how special you were in my life.
I felt your pain and anguish, that day, that day, that took you and myself
away from us forever.

I wanted you to know how special you were in my life.
That day that took us apart.
I felt your anguish that day.
When you realized I was gone,
You cradled me to your bosom like a baby and rocked me back and forth.
And in anguish and with tears, calling out my name over and over again,
Still not believing I was gone from your life.

I wanted you to know how special you were in my life.
You may not see me now.
You may not hear me anymore now.
You may not feel my cuddles anymore now.
But I'm still here.
I'm still with you and will always be in your heart.

On this Valentine's Day
I just wanted you to know....

I still love you and will be with you always.

Love all my love,
Pyewacket

©Melanie Neer~I dedicate this to all who have pets no longer in their lives and still feel the pain of their passing.

ARTICLE: What Is Crossposting And Does It Really Help?

Image~©Melanie Neer~Composite photo of "Dot", whom I renamed Ouija whom I adopted

Originally written May 9, 2013 for Bubblews, a website that no longer exists

I spend a lot of my time over at Facebook everyday crossposting the urgent pets that need to be saved/rescued/adopted/fostered from shelters, particularly the high kill shelters.

For those of you not familiar with just what crossposting is, let me explain. Facebook has become perhaps the greatest social networking website in order to "crosspost" urgent shelter pets. Over at Facebook, there are hundreds, if not thousands of pages or groups that on a daily basis post the urgent cats and dogs that are on "death row" and scheduled to be "euthanized" (a nice and polite way of saying killed). The "race" is on in which animal activists, advocates and rescuers share these posts by "crossposting", not only sharing the posts on their own profile walls, but on other pages and groups dedicated to saving the lives of shelter pets.

Some people can't understand the process though and wonder what good it does. I once came across the profile wall of a fellow crossposter, and underneath the posting was a comment made by one of her friends. She requested that the person, my friend, to stop sharing and "tagging" urgent cats on her wall. She said I live in Alabama, how can I possible help save a cat in a Georgia shelter. She just plain didn't get it, for you see, you may never know if you have someone on your friends list that IS in the area and can save the particular pet(s).

This indeed was something that personally happened not too long ago. I was lurking around on a friend's profile wall who is a tireless crossposter and who happens to be in Canada, nonetheless even though he's in Canada he posts the urgent cats from nearly all states of the USA. Late one night as I looked at his wall I came across one particular cat named Prince and was on "death row" scheduled to be killed the next day. The cat was in a high kill shelter in Florida. I decided to share the posting of Prince on my wall…and I'm from the NYC area mind you. Only a few moments passed, when one of my friends chimed in…she wanted to save the cat. Where was she? Yes you guessed…she lived nearby that particular shelter. You might say the race was on, time was ticking. Rather frantic emails and messages went back and forth between me, my friend and representatives of that shelter. Since it was well beyond business hours, one couldn't simply call the shelter. Bottom line though, it worked, the cat Prince was saved instead of killed and was adopted.

Sadly it doesn't always work, as too many shelter pets are still killed off each and everyday, but with crossposting is that glimmer of hope, that yes, many ARE saved. So if you're over at Facebook, and wonder why you have some friends who are maniacs about posting urgent pets and what good it does, tell that to that pet who was saved from death row, and perhaps consider crossposting urgent pets yourself. You never know…YOU just might have a friend on your list at Facebook that can help save a life.

I would also like to add, that there are scores of pets even in the no-kill shelters nationwide that also need to be crossposted as well, as many of these shelters can often be overwhelmed with pets needing rescue and adoption. It was by crossposting that I came upon a black cat and at first merely cosponsored him by sending money to the shelter that would go toward his vet and neuter fees. I was to later go one step further, and yes, adopted him.

The photo I include here is a composite of my black cat Ouija (his shelter name was Dot) whom I adopted via the Grayson County Humane Society in KY and was transported to me all the way to my home on December 1, 2012 here in the NYC area.

ARTICLE: The Bittersweet Moments Our Pets Show Us: Just One Demonstration of Unconditional Love a Pet Gave Me

Image~©MELANIE NEER~Personal photo of Tippy

Originally published February 8, 2011 on Associated Content/Yahoo.voices website which no longer exists

ABSTRACT: Our pets don't ask much from us, they don't judge us but accept us for who we are no matter what and know the meaning of Unconditional love CONTENT: I think many of us who have pets realize the wonderful unconditional love they have for us. They don't judge us, they don't really ask for much yet are capable of showing their love and affection to us without asking for anything much in return. They know the true meaning of unconditional love, something we humans could learn from.

I was talking about one of my cats over at Facebook. As many of my friends may know, my cat Pyewacket passed on April 19th 2010, yet this isn't about him but about one of my cats that I had years and years ago. Her name was Tippy. You might say I rescued her. It was on a warm May day, many, many years ago in 1983. I was at home and at one point, I looked out the window and saw a circle of kids tossing around a very young tiger-striped kitten as if it were a football. Enraged doesn't quite explain how I felt. I zoomed out of my apt. and went straight over to those kids and demanded they hand over the kitten to me; no doubt they must have thought I was a looney tunes and one kid had even said to me "It's just a cat." I cuddled the very scared kitten close to me and took her home.

Despite her ordeal of being treated like a mere object she didn't seem to fear me or her new surroundings considering the fact that I also had about five other cats at the time, and she quickly made herself at home. I named her Tippy since even though she was a tiger-striped cat, at the very tip of her tail was the color of an orange tabby...thus the name "Tippy"

Tippy became one of my cuddle bugs and velcro cat. She would hop on my bed to keep me company while I slept, and even gave me her version of a back message. All this attention she gave me unfortunately seemed to spark the jealousy of another cat named Bobbie. He began to antagonize her, bully her, wanted to fight her all the time, it was like a world war going on day in and day out. She began turning into a scared and timid cat and she felt her only safe place where Bobbie wouldn't bother her was to hop up into a cabinet over the refrigerator. She was to remain there for years and years after never coming down. I would have to place her food on top of the fridge and hoist up the litter pan for her to do her business. She just plain wouldn't come down.

Then one day in 1996 I was sitting in the living room when a movement attracted me from my peripheral vision. Looking directly to the "movement" my jaw dropped as I saw Tippy walking around the living room like she was the Queen of Sheba and unafraid of being bullied. At any moment I expected Bobbie to resort to bullying her again but he didn't. This should have maybe raised alarms, but I was just so happy to see her out and about again. She even resumed hopping up on my bed, giving me her back rubs, just as if nothing happened those years she stuck herself in the cabinet and not coming down from her "sanctuary".

About two weeks passed by after her initial daring day of her escape from her sanctuary , and Tippy remained feeling secure about being out and not afraid of Bobbie, and continued to snuggle up on my bed while I slept . Then one morning, I woke up and saw Tippy lying on the floor near the foot of my bed. I got up and went over to her to pet her thinking she was merely asleep, but no, she was still, lifeless....she had passed on. It was as if though, in her last moments of her life she wanted to be near me and why she was where she was on the floor at the foot of my bed.

I'm sure those of us who are pet owners have our own stories to tell of a pet or pets, who demonstrated their unconditional and trusting love for us even in their final moments of life. The story of Tippy is just one of many for me and I will always remember until my own final day.

ARTICLE: Books, On-Line, Or Kindle Reading: Which Do You Prefer?

Image~©Melanie Neer~Bookcase with primarily my Native American History and Culture Collection

Originally written on October 2, 2013 for Bubblews Website which no longer exists

I've been a bibliophile ever since I can remember, which when I think of it is a remarkable characteristic of my personality, considering my mother never cared for books. As a child she never read bedtime stories to me; when it was my great grandmother, grandmother, mother and myself all living together, it was my great-grandmother who would read to me. Even in her later years, my mother wasn't too keen on reading, not even a newspaper, so yes it is remarkable that I developed a rather fanaticism when it came to books. Also as a child, my mother often bought the usual type gifts for me that were popular at the time for girls, and whether for my birthday or Christmas, she would buy me things like Barbie dolls…boring. Like how many Barbie dolls could one have? Then one year, she totally surprised me, and instead of more dolls, she gave me my very first book, The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I suppose it was then that I got hooked with books. My mother perhaps didn't realize what she had started by getting that very first book, as many others were to follow including the Nancy Drew series, a copy of Island of The Blue Dolphins (by Scott O'Dell) and on and on it went. Yes, I turned into a bookworm. My idea of having a good time as a child wasn't playing with other children, but instead going to a library and taking books out, and settling comfortably at home reading, reading, reading.

My love for books continues to this day, and I have quite a collection, not only fiction, but being a science and history geek I have a rather staggeringly large collection of science books (geology, astronomy, archeology) and as for history, Ancient Egyptian, Greek, Babylonian, Medieval, Renaissance and American History, especially the Civil War period. Let's put it this way, I have books literally all over the place; even all the shelves, save one, in my linen closet has a storage of books in it since I ran out of room on my bookcases, and being rather OCD about things, all my books are stored according to subject and/or genre.

But here's the thing, to this day I prefer a book in my hand. I really am not a great on-line reader, in fact, if I can avoid reading too much on-line, I do. I could never, ever see myself downloading books and read from a Kindle either as it would remind me a bit too much of on-line reading Yes, I realize with a Kindle, one can snuggle in bed on a rainy day and read, but to my mind it's just not the same as having the feel of a book in hand, the real physical turning of the pages, the smell of a book. Yes, maybe I'm old fashioned, but give me a book any day and I'm a real happy camper.

So what is your preference? Books, on-line reading from a computer or a Kindle? And if you have books, do you have a large collection yourself?

ARTICLE: Close Encounters Of The Paranormal Kind: Part Three

Originally published June 22, 2013 on the Bubblews website which no longer exists. I've update this articles and also give additions to this original article

Image~©Melanie Neer~Personal image of my "Samhain" altar

This is the third in a series of articles I'm writing about my past "paranormal" experiences. I invite you to read the first two of which I give a link at the end of this article.

As I previously explained in both prior articles, the mystical, metaphysical and paranormal realms were never strange to me as I grew up in such beliefs due to my way ahead. with it great grandmother. Whenever I had experienced my own paranormal occurrences to me they were normal; they never frightened nor scared me in the least. There was one experience however that was, well, a bit strange even to me. I have to confess I rarely talk about this incident since I can't help thinking that if I did, I could expect a truck with men in white coats coming after me and fitting me in a jacket….But here goes…going to reveal it now.

It was something that took place four years ago and on Halloween night…uh, perfect setting, no? What people don't realize about Halloween is that it's actually based on old Celtic pagan and wicca beliefs and is called Samhain. It is one of the known festivals celebrated by neo-pagans and wiccans of today and is considered our New Year. I say "our" since yes folks, I follow the pagan/wicca path myself.

With Samhain is the belief that the veil between worlds is the thinnest and that the spirits of the dead can visit the living. Such a concept is not only a belief among neo-pagans or wiccans but is also observed and celebrated in other cultures, particularly among people of Hispanic origins, especially in Mexico. In this case the day is known as El Dia De Los Muertos (Day Of The Dead), which by the way has its origins from pre-Columbian times. Many people may be familiar with how the image of the skull predominates El Dia De Los Muertos. Is it no wonder then with our "modern" Halloween that ghosts, ghouls, goblins and skeletons are associated with the holiday itself?

In either case, whether it's a celebration of Samhain, El Dia De Los Muertos or Halloween, it is by no means a "morbid" celebration, but a fond remembrance of those who passed on before us. Since I am of the pagan/wicca path, I too celebrate Halloween/Samhain in my own special way and have a special ritual that I do and have done so ever since I first started following the pagan/wiccan path some twelve years ago.

On this particular Halloween/Samhain in 2009, some nine years ago, I became very reflective, not so much with wanting to honor family members who had passed on, but for some reason I had become rather melancholy with my cats of my past who had left my life. So on Halloween night, I set up my altar that I have in my bedroom, which consists of three candles, my statue of the Ancient Egyptian feline goddess Bast (rather appropriate), my Egyptian type incense holder, and a variety of other items that had special meaning to me. I also decorated my altar with a bouquet of Chrysanthemums, and also with Halloween themed items, such as small pumpkins, fall leaves, and Halloween type candy. Then I went one step further, I opened up a can of cat food and placed it on a plate and placed the plate on my altar.

After my little ceremony, I left the bedroom with the incense still burning and the candles lit and went into the living room area and decided to get some work done in front of my computer. My computer desk is right next to my sofa and I noticed that both my cats that I had at that time, Pyewacket and Kissy were sound, sound asleep on the sofa; they were clearly in full view all the time that I was in front of the computer. At one point while sitting in front of the computer I remembered a book I had in my bedroom that I wanted and decided to get it. Once in the bedroom, I passed by my altar to retrieve the book. As I passed the altar again to go back into the living room, I looked down at the altar and that's when I noticed something. Something was missing. Can you guess? Yes, the plate of cat food was completely empty, not a morsel was on it. Since I can see the living room from my bedroom I still noticed both cats sound asleep, so there was no way either of them could have come into the bedroom and eaten the food.

Perhaps when I think of it, that experience really isn't so odd. I've talked with other pet owners who have had their own "encounters" of pets who had passed on and who have "visited" them; such as seeing a shadowy movement in their peripheral vision, hearing sounds, to even feeling the presence of a former pet hopping on their bed and snuggling up with them as they sleep.

There have been documented cases of people experiencing "encounters" with the spirits of pets, especially with cats. One such good read and of which I highly recommend is Dusty Rainbolt's "Ghost Cats: Human Encounters With Feline Spirits"

Have any of you experienced the presence of a former pet?

Update:

In this article I had mentioned about having two cats at that time, Pyewacket and Kissy. Sadly and very unexpectedly, Pyewacket passed on April 19, 2010. Then on September 1, 2015, my 15 year old Kissy passed on. Not long after Kissy passed on you might say I was given a "sign". I've read countless accounts that often when a "loved" one has passed on, be it a human or pet, they will give a "sign" and sometimes this can be in the form of a feather…yes a feather. Only a week had passed with Kissy's death and I was cleaning my floor, when I noticed something. Yes a small light grey bird's wing feather. The color of the feather was in itself very significant since my Kissy was a grey-stripped tiger cat. Also, there was no reasonable explanation how that feather could have gotten into my place as I have window screens on all my windows.

As you can and might guess, I continue my special "Samhain" ritual in remembrance of former cats that have passed on. I include the urns and a photo of both Pyewacket and Kissy on my altar. It's not unusual to observe something. I include a photo I had taken at one such ritual. See anything? One can clearly see a sort of purple mist in the photo that was by no means apparent by the naked eye, yet shows up in the photo. Coincidence?

To this day, not only I, but my present black cat Ouija "senses" a presence of former cats passed on, as there are times when Ouija stares and stares at one particular spot somewhere and there clearly is nothing that can be seen.

My first article about my "paranormal" experiences:

https://melneer.blogspot.com/2018/04/article-close-encounters-of-paranormal.html

https://melneer.blogspot.com/2018/04/article-close-encounters-of-paranormal.html

My second article about my "paranormal" experiences:

https://melneer.blogspot.com/2018/04/article-close-encounters-of-paranormal_27.html

https://melneer.blogspot.com/2018/04/article-close-encounters-of-paranormal_27.html

ARTICLE: Close Encounters Of The Paranormal Kind: Part Two

Originally published June 18, 2013 on the Bubblews website which no longer exists

Image ©Melanie Neer~Sunrise photo taken at Miami Beach Florida. I chose this image since it looked rather "mystical"

Sometime ago I had written about one of my paranormal experiences I had in my life and I include the link to it at the end of this article should you like to read it.

To me the "paranormal" realm was never a strange or foreign concept, since off and on throughout my life I've had such experiences; ironically to me they were "normal". Two experiences no doubt saved my life.

The one "occurrence" took place during the summer of 1980 when I was 24 years old. I was one of those women who would be plagued by painful cysts every month when I got my period. They would come and go, come and go. Well this one time, a cyst wasn't going away as it usually did, yet I still didn't exactly race to the doctor's to get it checked out. Finally, I gave in and decided to go to the doctor. My doctor was the type where you didn't need to set up an appointment, you just walked in and waited your turn. Upon arriving at my doctor's office though a sign was tacked up on his door indicating he was on vacation and wouldn't be back for a good two weeks or so. The sign also indicated that for any emergency to go to the hospital. I took note of which hospital and went home.

Once home I started to get into my daily yoga routine…I was laying on the floor doing my yoga breathing, my eyes closed and I was nice and relaxed. All of a sudden this very loud booming voice in my mind said, "You need help NOW!" Well maybe to some people if they suddenly hear a loud voice in their heads would probably freak out thinking they were going, well, a bit daft, but as I mentioned since I've experienced "paranormal" type events all my life, it didn't phase me in the least, but I realized, yes, maybe I needed my health problem, my cyst taken care of.

I waited until both my mother and grandmother came home from work and told them that I needed to go to the hospital and told them why; I never had mentioned about my cyst problems before to them and certainly hadn't this time. We got a cab and went over to the ER of the hospital and waited and waited. Once I had a doctor examine me, among other things I had so many blood tests taken it was a wonder I had any blood left at all. Some hours passed by I was admitted to a room and right away hooked up to IV antibiotics. I never exactly questioned my admittance to the hospital, I just kind of took it in stride.

A full week would pass by with my constantly being pumped up with IV antibiotics, and then I was scheduled for surgery to drain out the cyst. All went well and it took another week for my incision to continue to drain and heal and the nurses would change the bandage everyday. Finally I was ready to go home, but before I did one of the attending nurses asked me, "Do you know what your temperature was when you were admitted?" I said no, and never even had thought to ask. She said 106.8. I think my eyes nearly popped out. You see I had absolutely no symptom of a high fever, no dizziness, no fatigue, nada, and it was due to that cyst I had that turned out to be highly infected, thus the antibiotics. Heck, I've felt worse when having a temperature of only 101.

Now we zoom up to May of 1996. I was walking along this very busy area of the neighborhood doing some errands. Upon reaching one street to cross, the light was starting to change against me, but figured I had enough time to cross it. Instead, some "hot rodder" decided to zoom down the street even before the light changed green for him. All I can say is I understand why "roadkill" occurs. Here I was in the middle of the street crossing it, seeing this car coming at me at full speed ahead, and I froze…I just plain couldn't move for some reason. Any second, that car was about to hit me full impact, when suddenly I felt this tremendous push from behind me, pushing me to safety and out of harms way of that speeding car. I was notably shaken up and realized how close I had come to being a fatal statistic. However here was the weird part. When I looked behind me to see who had pushed me out of the way, guess what? No one one was there. Once again I could have been freaked out by such an experience but I wasn't…I realized that some guardian angel no doubt was watching over me and protecting me.

My first article about my "paranormal" experiences:

https://melneer.blogspot.com/2018/04/article-close-encounters-of-paranormal.html

https://melneer.blogspot.com/2018/04/article-close-encounters-of-paranormal.html

ARTICLE: My Love Of Black Cats

(Originally published May 24, 2013 on the Yahoo.voices website which no longer exists and with some "updates" added)

Composite images of my black cats past and present, plus a photo of my own statue of Bastet that I have

I've had a love for black cats ever since I can remember, in fact, my very first cat, Babette, was a "tuxedo" cat that my mother adopted as a Christmas present for me when I was only five years old. Since then and throughout my life while I've had other types of cats, there have always, but always been black cats as part of my "family". There most certainly is an allure to the black cat. In my opinion they have a unique "catitude" all their own; perhaps they in a sense feel and recognize themselves to be "mini" panthers.

Growing up I obviously was never aware of the stigma or superstitions that have surrounded black cats for centuries. Maybe it was due to the fact that in my early childhood I've always had a great love for the Ancient Egyptian culture. Naturally I was aware of how cats in general were worshipped during that time; then of course there was the female cat goddess Bastet, often depicted as a woman with a cat's head, but also of course simply as a cat. During Ancient Egyptian times, cats were so highly regarded and held sacred, that to kill a cat was punishable by death. Since black cats were rather rare during that time period most often statues of Bastet were, yes, as you can guess, black cats. Unfortunately, with the passage of time, things went downhill for the feline species, and especially for black cats.

Erroneous beliefs began to crop up via early Christianity and during the Medieval period that black cats were evil and most often associated with "witches". Who can forget that part of history of how cats were rounded up and killed by the hundreds, if not the thousands. This of course, had a negative effect; without the cats to kill off the rodents, the spread of the virus occurred, known of course as the Black Plague.

As a bit of historical trivia, take the name "Pyewacket" for instance, most often associated with the name of the Siamese cat in the classic 1958 movie, Bell, Book and Candle; yet in reality, the name Pyewacket was first mentioned and known in England, and yes, as a black cat and a familiar to a witch back in 1644.

Black cats therefore, were forever considered evil, unlucky, especially if one crossed your path and as the devil's messengers. Ironically however, no such belief about black cats would exist in Celtic cultures, in fact, in those countries a black cat was considered the opposite, that is, "lucky". Yet all in all, black cats still have the stigma of being unlucky, even in our own USA, so much so, that black cats are the least unlikely to be adopted from shelters. Not only are black cats the least likely to be adopted, but even today are often targets of sick individuals who will torture or kill black cats and especially during the month of October.

Over at Facebook, I'm one of those animal activist/advocates; among other things, I regularly and daily crosspost the urgent cats needing to be rescued/saved/pulled/fostered from shelters, particularly from the high kill shelters. I became all too well aware of how black cats were the highest in number being listed on "death row", that is to be euthanized (a nice polite way of saying killed) since, as I've mentioned, black cats are the least likely to be adopted due to the old superstitions. One thing I did notice however, on a more positive note was that no doubt other people found a beauty in black cats also, and over at Facebook are scores of groups, pages and even "events" dedicated to the black cat to honor and glorify their unique beauty.

Some seven years ago I decided to start my own group at Facebook, of which I call Black Cats Are Beautiful and was officially created by me on August 11, 2011. Here people can join my group and share pictures of their own black cats both past and present, share stories about black cats, post cute Cheezeburger black cats photos, and in general, celebrate the beauty of the black cat. I also developed a Facebook page called Black Cats Urgent Rescue in which those black cats who need to be rescued from shelters can be posted and hopefully more people will step up to save these beautiful mini panthers.

Beginning in 2012 I had even gone even a step further, and have declared June 17th as Black Cats Are Beautiful Day and have created an "event" each year over at Facebook as well. Why June 17th? On June 17, 2001, a black cat came into my life, and yes, I named him Pyewacket. Pyewacket seemed to have come into my life when it was the most turbulent, it was as if he appeared to be my guardian throughout the years of turmoil and was in every sense of the word was my helper and companion. Sadly and most unexpectedly, he passed on April 19, 2010. To date though I'm not without a black cat since on December 1, 2012, I adopted a new black cat, formerly known as Dot from the Grayson County Humane Society shelter, but of whom I renamed Ouija. My newcomer of course will never replace Pyewacket, but how could I not have a black cat in my life? To me that would be "unlucky".

All in all, to my mind, there can never be enough Groups, Pages or Events that celebrate the beauty of the black cat, and by doing so, will dispel the stigma and superstitions black cats have had throughout history.

I would like to further add that the very first "celebration" to dispel the stigma of black cats was first started in Italy on November 17, 2007, and a few years later the UK began a day to celebrate black cats as well, usually in the month of October.

Black Cats Are Beautiful Facebook Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/175852975821168/?fref=ts

https://www.facebook.com/groups/175852975821168/?fref=ts

Black Cats Urgent Rescue Facebook Page:

https://www.facebook.com/BlackCatsUrgentRescue

https://www.facebook.com/BlackCatsUrgentRescue

Name of Pyewacket

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyewacket_(familiar_spirit)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyewacket_(familiar_spirit)

ARTICLE: Close Encounters Of The Paranormal Kind

Article originally appeared May 21, 2013 on the Bubblews webs tie which no longer exists

Personal Images: Old photo with my great grandfather, great grandmother and mother circa 1950

Snoopy the white cat which came into my life shortly after my great grandmother's death

I think a little "background" information is needed here. Despite my having grown up in a Christian background and upbringing, from early on I was aware of the more "paranormal" metaphysical and mystical realms, thanks and due to my way ahead great-grandmother. It was she who, despite being Catholic, was into the ideas and concepts of reincarnation, ESP, psychic awareness; she was even "into" Edgar Cayce, the famous psychic who had given "readings" during the 1930s and 1940s, so the whole "paranormal" world wasn't so strange to me. In fact, I was to experience the paranormal on and off nearly all my life.

I had a very close bond and connection with my great grandmother, more so than either my mother or grandmother, which may have explained what happened during the last week of August of 1970 when I was fifteen years old. At that time my grandmother, mother and I were away on vacation in the Lancaster, PA area. One night, fairly late, we were all watching the Johnny Carson Show. All of a sudden I was overwhelmed by this scent flooding the hotel room. I recognized it as the favorite perfume of my great grandmother. I asked both my mother and grandmother if they could smell it; of course, they looked at me as if I were daft.

Very early the next morning we got a phone call. It was from one of my great grandmother's neighbors to tell us that she had been rushed to the hospital but had passed away. When? The exact time I started smelling that perfume of hers flooding the hotel room and this was hundreds of miles away from where my great grandmother was in the NYC area.

Sometime passes and now of course my grandmother, mother and I were home and my great grandmother had her funeral already. One night, very late I would say around near 3 a.m., both my mother and grandmother were sound asleep while I was still awake reading. Something compelled me to look up from my book. At the foot of my bed, I could very clearly see a female form, yes, it was the spirit of my great grandmother.

I guess for many people such an occurrence like this might totally freak a person out no end, but as I mentioned, I've had "paranormal" experiences on and off all my life…to me they're normal. Maybe I'll tell of some of my other experiences I've had at another time. A few saved my life.

This story doesn't end just yet. There's a part three to this story. Now it was November 7, 1970. I was coming home from school and stopped by the so-called local "hang-out" which was a candy, magazine, cigarette and soda fountain type store. I was over at the magazine section looking through a variety of magazines, when all of a sudden this dazzling, gleaming white cat walks into the store. The cat comes right over to me as if I were a long lost friend.

At that particular time, our family already had three cats, but I had never seen an all white cat close in my life and was fascinated by this cat. I asked the store keeper if I could call up my mother at work to ask her if it was all right to bring this cat home. When I told my mother about this cat she said yes, that by all means, it was okay to bring the cat home. I picked up the cat and snuggled it close to me wrapping the cat with my coat I was wearing since it was a chilly November day. He didn't panic at all, but seemed quite content to be near me as I walked home.

Here's the "punchline" you might say. Not long after taking home this white cat, which I was to name Snoopy, my grandmother and mother revealed that my great grandmother always wanted a white cat but never did. Coincidence? For some reason, I don't think so.

ARTICLE: Follow Your Bliss

My Own Image created via Photo Elements

Article originally appeared May 2, 2013 on Bubblews website which no longer exists

I would like to share here part of the quote by Joseph Campbell which will explain what "Follow Your Bliss" means:

"“Follow your bliss.


If you do follow your bliss,


you put yourself on a kind of track


that has been there all the while waiting for you,


and the life you ought to be living


is the one you are living."

I first came across of the notion of "Follow Your Bliss" during the PBS series "The Power Of Myth" way back in 1988 which featured of course Joseph Campbell and also had Bill Moyers. And what does "Follow Your Bliss" exactly mean?

In a nutshell, it means follow what is in your heart, to strive for the life you wish to have even if it may be considered unconventional or not accepted by others, especially family members who can be the toughest to "please". I can give a direct personal example of what I mean.

I was one of those children that was considered a "gifted" child, I demonstrated skills and talents at a very early age, especially in the artistic and creative fields. My mother was artistically talented herself and was a skilled artist who loved to do oil paintings and even had some of her work displayed in local gallery exhibits. As a child, I would watch with complete fascination as she painted on of her creations. One day I asked if I could do an oil painting, and I supposed to keep me amused, handed some of her oil paints and a canvas board, she then set up a still life for me to try to capture and paint. I did, and at the mere age of eight years old did my first still life oil painting. In later years I would continue to paint off and on in oils, but also in acrylic and watercolor paints.

I wasn't limited to painting however, as I had also studied as a child ballet and developed a love for the whole expression of the dance world. ah, but there again, wasn't even limited to that, as during my junior high school years learned to play violin, I would later on, in my high school years learned to play guitar, first on a classical guitar, then later got an electric guitar. Oh the visions of grandeur I had, as I saw myself as a "rock star"!! Then in college I even tinkered around with electronic music as I was a fan of the rock group, Emerson, Lake & Palmer.

Now throughout my childhood and teenage years, my mother never exactly discouraged me in my artistic pursuits, but neither did she encourage them either, interpretation, I didn't exactly get support, yet I still pursued my creativity nonetheless; it was my "bliss". She especially didn't encourage me when I became interested in yet another creative field: acting.

My interest in the acting field came about when I accompanied one of my high school friends where she was involved with and a character in a play called "The Bluebird". She wanted company as often the rehearsals ended very late at night and she didn't want to be alone coming home on the subway, so I went with her. It was there I became mesmerized by the whole "process" of acting…the rehearsals, the constructing of props, etc. To pass the time and so I wasn't idle, I often helped out with the scenic design and props. Bingo I was hooked. I not only then decided to take a course in drama and acting while still in high school, but I also took a few courses at the Stella Adler Studio of Acting.

You have to realize that I was always a very shy person, so for me to even think of consider the idea of being on stage, acting and being in front of an audience I must have been out of my mind, but I loved it, so much so, when I was approaching the idea of going to college, guess what my major was? Yes, drama.

Looking back I realize of course my decision to be a "mere" drama major must have gone over like a lead balloon with my mother. Since I also had been a science geek, I think she was hoping that I would pursue some scientific field and become a female Einstein, or if not that, then to follow the tradition she and my grandmother had as far as careers…secretarial. I think in a last ditch effort to get me away from my acting goals, she set up an interview with the bank she worked for. One of the things I had to do during the interview was to take a typing test, and I had been a very skilled typist while in high school. Well my subconscious mind must have kicked in that, no, this was not what I wanted in life. Deep inside and inwardly I knew, that no, I just plain didn't wanted a "career" as a secretary in a bank. What was the result? Instead of passing the typing test with flying colors, I bungled and failed miserably. Needless to say I wasn't accepted or given a job.

So now I'm in college (years 1973~1977), and yes did become a Drama major and earned my BA in Drama. With the world of drama it wasn't just acting I fell in love with, but scenic design. I think had I continued to purse the world of drama, I might have actually gone the scenic design route instead, and who knows, maybe I would've been eventually doing CG Special Effects for movies. Ah, but then yet another creative art form came into view: photography an art form I still do to this day so many years later.

The point of sharing my mini-autobiography here, is that even though I never became a famous artist, dancer, musician, actress, or scenic designer, I was following my "bliss"--I was doing what made me happy, what made my life feel complete, instead of following the trend of my mother and grandmother. And even after all these years, I'm still hoping to be a recognized photographer and/or writer. Oh did I mention I'm also a writer too? I've done numerous short stories, and the beginnings of several novels. And yes, if I ever get one of those novels ever finished hope to be recognized as a writer, for writing is also my "bliss".

Here is Joseph Campbell's full version of "Follow Your Bliss" which can be viewed here:

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/143093-follow-your-bliss-if-you-do-follow-your-bliss-you

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/143093-follow-your-bliss-if-you-do-follow-your-bliss-you

“Follow your bliss.


If you do follow your bliss,


you put yourself on a kind of track


that has been there all the while waiting for you,


and the life you ought to be living


is the one you are living.


When you can see that,


you begin to meet people


who are in the field of your bliss,


and they open the doors to you.


I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid,


and doors will open


where you didn't know they were going to be.


If you follow your bliss,


doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.”

ARTICLE: My Introduction To Dreamcatchers

My personal images of a variety of Dreamcatchers I had made in the past, from hanging Dreamcatchers, Christmas Tree Topper Dreamcatcher, Dreamcatcher Tree Ornament and Dreamcatcher earrings

©Melanie Neer~Personal Photos

Article originally published on Bubblews website May 5, 2013 which no longer exists

I came across a few articles here about Dreamcatchers and thought I would write up my own article and how I got introduced to them.

For a thumbnail sketch explanation of what Dreamcatchers are for those of you who aren't familiar with them, Dreamcatchers originated in both the Ojibwa and Lakota Sioux nations of Native Americans. Traditionally they were made of willow to make the hoop part and sinew to make the web, leaving a small open circle in the Dreamcatcher's center. These Dreamcatchers were usually made by either the mother or grandmother upon the arrival of a newborn child and hung near the cradle to ward off bad dreams. It was thought that the web part of the Dreamcatcher caught the bad dreams, yet allowed the good dreams to pass through.

Prior to say around the 1990s I never even heard of Dreamcatchers, which is kind of embarrassing considering I am part Native American. My introduction to the Dreamcatcher began of all places with a catalog I received from Sheplers, known for their country/western clothing, western boots, jewelry, etc. Well, featured in this latest catalog was a Dreamcatcher, and I fell in love with it and was dying to buy it, however, it was a bit pricey. That Dreamcatcher literally haunted me, I would keep looking at the photo of it over and over again. Then one day the thought came to me that perhaps I could make one myself. At the time I didn't even know there were actual Dreamcatcher kits one could buy, which maybe was just as well, since it allowed me to create my own version and design of them.

Instead of the traditional willow to make the hoop part, I instead got wooden embroidery hoops, and the beauty of that was that those hoops came in a variety of sizes, from as small as 3" to 18". For the web part, I got embroidery floss, which comes in a wonderful and vast array of colors. My first attempts to make the Dreamcatcher web part was hit and miss and probably a bit klutzy, as I had no instructions on just how to make the web, all I had to go on was that photo of the Dreamcatcher from that catalog. But sooner or later, I had success in crafting the web part.

To make the Dreamcatcher even more decorative, and instead of leaving the hoop just showing the plain wood, I used regular yarn which again came in a variety of colors that allowed me to customize the Dreamcatcher on a particular color theme. With the yarn I patiently, and yes it did take a lot of patience and wrapped it around the hoop, I then added braided "dangles" made out of the yarn, I also added both crow and tile beads, feathers, etc.

Oh, but it didn't stop there! Once I developed a skill in making Dreamcatchers, I then moved on in making Dreamcatcher type earrings and even made a Dreamcatcher Christmas tree topper as well as Dreamcatcher Christmas tree ornaments (I include photos of my work here). I have my own Dreamcatchers hanging up near one window, one is an 8" one the other a gigantic 18" one. On a whimsy I also made a Halloween type Dreamcatcher where the wrap around is black and the web part is in orange and also complete with small spiders hanging from it.

I have to confess I really don't make my Dreamcatchers as often as I used to, mainly due to lack of time now and unfortunately due to having RA issues, but perhaps even with my RA issues, I just might "challenge" myself and attempt one again.

ARTICLE: A Tribute to Scarlett: A Heartwarming Story of a Cat

PHOTO OF THE COVER OF THE BOOK BY JANE MARTIN & J.C. SUARES OF WHICH I HAVE A COPY

Originally written January 14, 2009 for Associted Content/Yahoo.Voices website which no longer exist

ABSTRACT: Scarlett perhaps became one of the most famous felines due to her heroic efforts in saving the lives of her kittens during a raging fire.

CONTENT: If ever there was a story that touched the hearts of many people around the world, it was that of a mother cat named Scarlett. I remember this story very well as it was to etch in my mind how devoted an animal could be especially when it came to the safety of her kittens. For those of you who don't remember the story, I shall give a synopsis of this brave feline and what she did.

The event took place on March 30, 1996, when a raging fire was burning out of control in an abandoned garage located in the Brooklyn area of New York City. Firefighters were there to contain and put out the fire, but not without noticing something truly amazing happening during the chaos. A bedraggled female cat, horribly burned and singed had made the trip back and forth five times to rescue her five four-week old kittens that had been caught in the blaze of the building which they all had made as their home and shelter. The female cat was in such horrific condition that her eyes had been blistered shut from the heat of the fire, and could only locate and find her babies by smell and touch.

One firefighter at the scene, a David Giannelli amazed at this brave cat's rescue of her kittens, realized they all needed medical help and gently gathered them all up and rushed them over to the North Shore Animal League located in the Port Washington area of Long Island, NY. It was to be a long road of recovery for Scarlett, as the female mother cat was to be named and of her kittens who all suffered from severe smoke inhalation. Sadly, one of the five kittens didn't make it and succumbed to a virus a month after being taken to North Shore. The remainder kittens however, survived and found new loving homes. Scarlett was to remain a bit longer at North Shore still recovering from all her injuries she acquired during her rescue of her kittens.

The story of Scarlett and of her bravery literally hit round the world, not just in America, and captured everyone's heart, so much so, that the North Shore Animal League was flooded by thousands and thousands of letters of those interested in adopting Scarlett. After careful scrutiny of people asking to adopt Scarlett, the lucky person to receive her was Karen Wellen who gave her a true loving home. Ms. Wellen's own story was a sad one as she had lost her own cat to an accident in which she herself had also been injured.

The story wasn't to end there however, as Scarlett continued to be famous worldwide, and scores more articles continued to be written up about her and several books were written about this heroic feline, including ScarlettSaves Her Family: The Heart-Warming True Story of A Homeless Mother Cat Who Rescued Her Kittens From A Raging Fire by Jane Martin and Jean-Claude Suares, a book I might add, I still have. Things however, weren't completely smooth sailing for Scarlett however, as she still needed constant medical care throughout her life, but care she did get by her loving owner Ms. Wellen. The North Shore Animal League had even set up a blog known as "The Scarlett Room" not only to tell of the bravery of this most famous cat that they saved and helped but of all the other success stories of North Shore Animal League rescues.

Just the other day, however, I decided I wanted to look back at some of the articles about this famous heroic feline. I literally broke down and cried. I was hit by the news that on October 11, 2008 after thirteen years of being loved and cherished not only by Karen Wellen, but perhaps by the whole world, had passed into what I call the "Land of Bast". I don't know why, but the tears couldn't stop flowing when I read of her death. It hit me as hard as if one of my own precious cats had passed away from my life. In fact, as I write this I'm crying and I think anyone who remembers the story of this dear sweet heroic feline will also feel a tremendous sadness as well.

I guess as a closing, I want to publicly thank Scarlett for showing the devotion a mere animal will have in showing love and devotion to her babies, risking her own life, and for showing and being an exceptional example of unconditional love that we humans could demonstrate more of.

RIP~~Scarlett

You will be missed.

Articles About Scarlett:

http://www.moggies.co.uk/html/scarlett.html

http://www.moggies.co.uk/html/scarlett.html

http://www.animalleague.org/blogs/scarlett/

http://www.animalleague.org/blogs/scarlett/

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/scarlett-cat-saved-kittens-1996-brooklyn-fire-dies-article-1.300103

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/scarlett-cat-saved-kittens-1996-brooklyn-fire-dies-article-1.300103

Book About Scarlett

Scarlett Saves Her Family: The Heart-Warming True Story of A Homeless Mother Cat Who Rescued Her Kittens From A Raging Fire by Jane Martin and Jean-Claude Suares, Simon & Schuster, 1997