ARTICLE: Who Takes Care of the Caregiver? The Stressful Role of the Caregiver

Original design ©Melanie Neer

I thought the above illustration as appropriate as we caregivers DO need to be kind to ourselves

Originally Published on Yahoo.voices on October 5, 2007

As more and more of us in the baby-boomer age have discovered we are now facing the new role that we must confront, and that is to become the caregiver of our aging parents, a role that is far from easy. Naturally many of us hope, that as our parents grow older, and are reaching their seventies, eighties or beyond, they will age gracefully, without any complications, whether medically or emotionally, to contend with. That is the ideal scenario. But for far too many of us, this isn't the case, as was with my own mother.


Life with my mother, as I still lived with her, was far from easy in the last ten years or so of her life. First were the obvious emotional problems that seemed to have surfaced. Looking back, I believe she may have had emotional issues all along but they didn't become apparent until about ten years ago, when I began suspecting that she may have been suffering from depression, that got progressively worse as time went by. She had many of the classic symptoms of depression, mainly non-motivation or taking an interest in anything anymore. As her symptoms worsened, and I suggested that she get some psychological help. She did, but unfortunately she didn't benefit from this help. Why?

One is that my mother wasn't the type to openly discuss how she felt, whether medically or emotionally, not even to me, and I seriously doubt, she was capable of expressing herself to a virtual stranger, such as one in the psychiatric community. Also, since she didn't sign a proxy, at least not until the last few months of her life, and by then it was too little too late, I wasn't able to get involved with her clinical care, so in other words, I had no say in the matter due to those strict and stringent Hipaa Privacy Laws. It was unfortunate too, that her psychiatrist didn't catch on to her emotional problems, first of all, because he didn't see her on a weekly basis, as is customary in psychiatric field, but only every few months; also, truth be told, she was a great actress and could come across very differently to the outside world; only I saw her true personality.


It wasn't until March of 2006, a few months before her passing, that my finally signed a proxy. l then made sure I went with her, to what was to be her final visit to her therapist. I conveyed to her therapist about the severity of her emotional disorders and depression. It didn't impress him one bit, and even said to me, that my mother didn't look very depressed. My mother sitting next to me, had a radiant smile on her face, and all I could think of, this psychiatrist, was basing his pyscho-analytical diagnosis that my mother wasn't depressed due to the fact she was smiling?


You can imagine my frustration about this. However, I also did have private talks with her social worker, and she did indeed suspect what I had thought all along, that my mother did indeed have severe depression issues, plus as she put it, also had a variety of other personality disorders, ranging to possible bi-polar, to dementia. When I would go with my mother to visit her social worker, the two of us tried to get my mother interested in doing things again, to take an interest in something, like perhaps take up oil painting again, a hobby she had formerly once done with a passion in her younger years, or to join in any one of the activities that was sponsored by the hospital clinic geared for the elderly. Our suggestions went to deaf ears, as my mother continued to be unmotivated by any possible activity to get her going again.


Besides her emotional problems that I was witnessed to and had to care for, it was in the year 2005 that my mother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. The discovery was quite by accident. For about two years prior to her being diagnosed with the cancer, my mother was doing a bulimic thing...yes, as soon as she'd eat, I would see her race into the kitchen, stick her finger down her throat to purge. Now at the time, I didn't know she had the cancer. She no doubt did her bulimia bout as it must have felt uncomfortable for her to eat, but at the time I thought, oh, great, another psychological problem.


And, you better believe I was trying to notify someone, anyone about what she was doing, but again, because of her failure to sign a proxy at that time, no one, not her doctors, psychiatrist, or her then social worker (a different one, from the one I got to know), would listen to me. It didn't help the fact that my mother was tight-lipped and not exactly telling anyone of her discomfort, except to say that she had a lot of congestion, so no one suspected her true medical condition. Each and every time I did try to alert professionals of what she was doing, all I would get from these people was that because of the Privacy Laws, my mother's clinical care could not be discussed with me.


It wasn't until June 8, 2005 that it was finally discovered as to the why of her bulimic episodes. I had to call 911 as my mother had passed out while taking a bath. She was out cold. I yelled at her, slapped at her face to bring her to consciousness, but nothing, thus my call to 911. After a week or so in the hospital and a battery of tests, including a mini-camera that went down to explore her esophagus, it was discovered she had a cancerous tumor. Now the real care of her came into view for me. My mother was an extremely stubborn person. When it had been suggested to her, after her being diagnosed with the cancer that she should go to a rehab/nursing home environment, to get her nutrition built up, and to undergo the chemo/radiation therapy, she wouldn't hear of it . She wanted to stay home and have me look after her. It was fortunate that the hospital in question, where she had been diagnosed was quite literally down the block and she was able to get her chemo/radiation therapy there, but as for her other care it was up to me. She had a G-tube inserted into her stomach, in which I would have to give her regular "feedings" of Ensure through it to make sure she was getting her nutrition as she couldn't eat anything by mouth.

She also was quite vocal, however, in not wanting any outside help, that is some kind of visiting nurse service that could have not only helped her out, but given me some kind of time off to myself to attend to my own needs. As I said, it was all extremely frustrating and stress producing to me, but I gave in, if anything to avoid the arguments that would have ensued every time I brought the subject up of outside help.


I suppose the main reason for this article and to point out and share all the difficulties I had in my own experience as a caregiver, is to perhaps give some kind of guidance to someone who is may also be facing the possibility of becoming a caregiver to an aging parent, and I'm hoping that you won't face the same problems as I had. First, of all, I was at least lucky in this regard, that since I didn't have my own family to raise I wasn't torn between my obligations of taking care of a spouse and/or children and of taking care of an aging parent. But I'm the exception, as this will not be the case with most people.


Despite all the hardships and demands on my time in taking care of my mother, I did manage to have some quality time out for myself on a daily basis. This is most important for any caregiver to prevent complete burnout and stress. Since my mother wasn't a complete invalid and was mobile, I took time off, usually by going out for a few hours, whether to do my own errands, or just simply take a refreshing walk, just to have that time to myself. I made sure I didn't neglect my own needs entirely and I also made sure that I had proper rest, sleep, and fulfilled my ow nutrition needs. Once my mother was able to eat solid foods again, I also had the benefit of the Meals On Wheels program which made daily home visits with a healthy, nutritious, balanced meal for the day. This gave me a little time off from constantly having to cook all the meals for my mother.


 It's almost ironic, that now that my mother has passed away, that it is only now that I'm finding out about programs geared for the caregiver, such as outreach programs and support groups that will help the caregiver be in contact with other caregivers so its members can vocalize the problems facing one who is a caregiver; this in itself can be therapeutic as knowing that others are going through the same concerns and stresses will make a person not feel so alone in this time-consuming and stressful new role that has been placed upon them. One can find support groups usually either in one's community, or one can even do a search on the internet. One really great website is Caregiver.com, which even has a discussion forum where people can discuss their challenges as a caregiver, and one can subscribe to their bi-monthly magazine, appropriately called "Today's Caregiver". 


Of course, there may come a time where it may become just too much for the caregiver to continue helping and providing entirely on their own their care of their aging parent, especially if their medical needs worsen, and this is when outside resources are a must. This may be anything from seeking the benefits of having a visiting nurse come to the home, to maybe having their parent go to some kind of adult day-care center, or perhaps short-term nursing home stays. This will give the caregiver some genuine time out for themselves so they don't have to take on all the responsibilities on their own. Finally, of course, may come the time, that one may have to think in terms of placing their parent in either a hospice, a qualified permanent nursing home or assisted living homes.


I hope this article will benefit anyone who in now facing the problems of becoming a caregiver to their aging parent. I invite the reader to visit any internet resources about caregivers, I have only listed two, but there are so many other websites that will be beneficial to the caregiver. All I know it that I sure wish I had known a lot of this material when I had taken on the role as caregiver to my mother.


Sources and information about caregivers:


1).Caregiver.com 



An excellent resource and includes a discussion forum and a bi-monthly magazine one can subscribe to, plus and e-mail newsletter:


http://www.caregiver.com/


2). womenshealth.gov 



 This website defines exactly what a caregiver is, and also defines caregiver stress and how to get help for it. 


http://www.4women.gov/faq/caregiver.htm#e



If one does a general Google search one will find a lot more resources to either help the “caregiver” or to even find caregivers that can help out.

ARTICLE: Are We Needlessly Over Medicating Children? The Drugging of Our Children

(Originally Published at Yahoo.voices formerly Associated Content~November 11, 2007)

ABSTRACT: Since 1995 there has been an alarming upsurge of medicating children for any kind of emotional or behavioral problem with powerful psychotropic drugs which may not be necessary. CONTENT: I must confess, I've never been an advocate of taking medications to begin with, and I would rather go a more natural healing and nutritional path to help any illness. Thankfully, I'm a relatively healthy person, and therefore there has been no need for me to take medications to begin with. It's unfortunate however, that in our society, that those in the medical community are often all too eager to cram medications at us, for any aliment or health problem, be it medical or emotional/behavorial. We ourselves are often just as guilty in wanting to take a medication for just about anything, when in many cases, a simple, yet radical change in diet could be not only beneficial but the answer for many of our health problems.

Nowhere is this trend more apparent than in the recent upsurge, from the years beginning around 1995 to the present, of the medical community giving out medications to children. The kind of medications I'm talking about are those that are in the category of potent mind-altering, psychotropic drugs, such as Ritalin and Adderall which are the most prescribed for children suspected of having ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder); or, for those children who may be demonstrating any signs of depression or autistic tendencies, the group of SSRI (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) medications, such as Prozac, Paxil or Zoloft are the most commonly prescribed. Often, children who are suspected of either autism or depression problems, may also be prescribed the same ADHD medications as well.

I'm not saying that there aren't verified cases of children who may indeed be suffering from any of the emotional or behavioral problems such as ADHD, depression or autism, but is the medical and pharmaceutical communities all too eager to jump the gun and prescribe what may be needless medications for even the slightest demonstration of emotional problems a child may have, and perhaps only making the situation worse?

In a very informative, and sometimes disturbing documentary video which can be viewed on Mercola.com and which was created by the health nutritionist expert, Gary Null, Mr Null points out how children are needlessly being prescribed strong psychotropic medications, with often very detrimental and harmful results. According to him, he relates in this video, that between six to seven million children are given prescription medications as part of their morning routine right along with their breakfast and vitamins, especially Ritalin, which is classified as an amphetamine. Is it any wonder then why children continue to have behavior problems that may actually worsen by the taking of such medications, and these children remain agitated, nervous, fidgety and classified as hyperactive? Is it any wonder why these medications which are supposed to be helping children with emotional or behavioral problems, are not only creating children who are more agitated and possibly violent, but also often more suicidal than children that don't take these medications?

Yes, maybe just maybe, these medications can help children that actually do have a one-hundred percent verified diagnosis of such conditions of emotional and behavioral problems, but to give such medications for any "symptom" that could suggest ADHD, depression or autism, is like giving a child or teenager a loaded gun...quite literally.

In the opening of the Gary Null video, "The Drugging of Our Children", one case that is shown of Corey Baadsgaard, who describes how one morning, he woke up, not feeling particularly well, and decided to sleep late and not attend school until his third period class. However, the next thing he remembers is waking up in a juvenile detention center, not having remembered anything from that first initial time he woke up to until waking up in that detention center. When he was asked by the staff of the center, if he knew why he was there, Corey confessed that he hadn't a clue. They proceeded to tell him that he had taken a gun to that third period class and was threatening his fellow students with that loaded gun. Why did this seemingly "all-American" honor student do this? It is then disclosed that he was hallucinating on the commonly prescribed SSRI medication Paxil, which is an anti-depressant medication given to people with depression, obsessive-compusive disorders and anxiety disorders.

In another segment of the video, it shows of yet another student, Eric Harris, who had been taken an anti-depressant for a full year, which caused him to have bizarre and violent fantasies. He too, went to his school with a loaded gun, holding students hostage and threatening to kill everyone there.

Yes, it can be argued and true that children nowadays have a lot more stress in growing up than children say twenty or more years ago. Also, while children may have had behavioral problems in the past, the terms ADHD or autism weren't even known then. Yet, nowadays any seeming emotional problem a child may demonstrate is almost automatically diagnosed as some kind of emotional problem and therefore the child or teenager must be medicated. But is this really true? The video seems to suggest that if parents, teachers or physicians notice that a child demonstrates the slightest case of being agitated, fidgety, or disruptive in class, the child is therefore assumed almost automatically as being ADHD. Or, in quite the opposite behavior pattern, if a child or teenager demonstrates symptoms of being withdrawn, quiet, or lost in his or her own world, then the child may be then labeled as autistic. All I can say is, if I were a child growing up now, no doubt I would have been classified as autistic, as I was extremely shy and withdrawn in my younger years, but of course, I wasn't, I was just simply very shy.

What Gary Null the nutritionist has often expressed, in any one of his near one-hundred books on nutrition and diet he has written, concerning the many problems any one of us can have, whether it'd be health or emotional wise is all due to a poor diet. This is and can especially be even more apparent for children and could be the actual cause of a child's demonstrating any number of behavioral problems. Not only has Mr. Null expressed his views about improper nutrition for a myriad of health or emotional problems, but other nutritionists as well, such as Andrew Weil have also expressed the issue of proper nutrition and diet for all around better physical and mental health issues. One of the prime and main culprit's that can trigger behavioral problems especially in children is the consumption of too many processed foods, especially any foods made from processed,white, bleached flour, and most certainly and particularly, too much sugar.

While we can all benefit from a more healthy diet no matter what our age is, children, especially in their formative years particularly need a more nutritious and well-balanced diet. Nowadays most parents both work, and paying attention to their children's dietary needs may suffer due mainly to lack of time. How much easier is it for a parent to give a child that bowl of that sugar-laden cereal, pack a quick lunch of maybe peanut butter and jelly with a sugary snack, and then have pizza, or a take-out dinner from a fast food restaurant? Instead of providing more healthy juices to drink, how many parents are guilty of giving their children soda; or instead of giving a child a healthier choice of giving them some fruit will give their child that cupcake, donut, or any other sweet treat, so in effect overdosing their child with more and more sugar which is known to create hyperactivity in children. While of course, some may argue that sugar has nothing to do with hyperactivity, we must remember we as a whole are consuming more sugar than we used to.

Now lets take a look at some of the specifics of these medications themselves. While Ritalin and Adderall are by no means the only medications prescribed for ADHD and on many occasion Autism, they are the most common. The others are Concerta, Cylert, Wellbutrin and Tenex. All are stimulant type drugs much in the same way amphetamines are, and all work on a child's or teenager's central nervous system. They are supposedly enable the child/teenager patient to have the ability to focus better and have a better attention span than those children who may have ADHD and do not take the medications. However, on the website created by Dr. Weathers (http://adhdhelp.org) he, as well as many in the medical profession have considered these medications as "Kiddie Cocaine." Also, all these medications, especially Ritalin can have serious side effects, such as toxic psychosis, psychotic episodes, drug dependence, and yes, can create hallucinations and delusions. (1)

Another common way the medical profession resorts to treating behavioral problems in children is to prescribe anti-depressants such as the most commonly prescribed Prozac. However, it is a well known fact, that anti-depressants can often trigger suicidal thinking not just in adults, but especially in children and are usually not given to children under a certain age, yet, Prozac has somehow been given the green light and go ahead to be given to young children and adolescents.(2)

I'm not saying that there are certified and verified cases of children with emotional problems such as ADHD or autism, but are we as a society all to eager and ready to "medicate" our children for any seemingly slight behavioral problem? Are we making our children worse by readily giving out such medications? Can this possibly be the reason, why we are hearing of more and more cases of children or teenagers going suddenly violent or psychotic, bringing loaded guns to school, and holding their fellow peers and teachers hostage, and in worse case scenarios, killing some of them?

What I find rather ironically amusing about all this, is that we often tell our children the dangers of taking drugs, such as Cocaine, Heroin, and Marijuana, just because they are illegal. But are we doing our children a service by giving them prescribed medications such as those for children who may or may not actually have ADHD or autism just because they show any kind of emotional or behavioral problem? Are we drugging our children? Nutritionist Gary Null and many in the medical profession seem to think so, and maybe after watching his lengthy video, you may come to this conclusion as well.

Main source of information, including the Gary Null documentary video:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2007/09/20/
the-tragic-consequences-of-drugging-our-children.aspx

Other Sources Used For This Article:

http://www.mercola.com/2002/apr/13/depression_drugs.htm

http://autism.about.com/od/treatmentoptions/f/drugsfaq.htm

Information Sources About Medications:

http://www.drugfree.org/Portal/drug_guide/Ritalin (1)

http://www.adhdhelp.org/ritalin.htm

http://www.drugs.com/adderall.html

http://add.about.com/cs/medications/f/stimulant4.htm

http://www.adhdhelp.org/concerta.htm

http://www.drugs.com/paxil.html

http://www.prozac.com/common_pages/safety_information.jsp(2)

Information On Gary Null and his books

http://www.garynull.com/

Some Facts About Too Much Sugar

http://www.mendosa.com/overload.htm